current events

i lie on the floor and become it.

the vague carpet covers my fingertips and dents my cheek

(which will surely leave an itchy pitted patch of red when i finally rise)

and despite the hardness of the floor and the softness of my form,

i find it harder and harder to differentiate between the two.

lately i keep thinking about the word “profound”

because i’ve said it so often but never in a positive context despite its neutral nature.

profoundly broken, profoundly sad, profoundly lonely.

there’s nothing profound or complex about what i feel, what anyone feels.

susan sontag said that we should move away from the hermeneutic and toward the erotic

and that’s the only lesson (if any) lately.

now i will share my knowledge in a way that is hopefully not at all tumblr reminiscent but will inevitably fail because my sadness has to be palatable enough to publish and i am a product of everyone before me:

how to be sad (a guide)

1. lay out the events that have caused said sadness for what they are

2. tell everyone you want to but do it while laughing and gesticulating and dramatizing so they don’t know how profoundly (there it is again) over you are

   1. choke while trying to avoid crying in front of your friends because there is NOTHING more humiliating than crying (or so the man-beast says)

3. drown

4. drown some more

5. consume every media at once so you don’t have to drown anymore

6. feel nothing

7. blame yourself for feeling nothing

8. blame yourself some more for telling everyone

9. cry for the first time in months but NEVER because you’re sad

i’ll stop now since i have more important things to think about than the end of the world as i know it: my new job starts next week and i have a biology quiz tomorrow.